Chp8

It's been a couple weeks since the whole incident between Jay and I. And i can't believe how much shit he and I have been through and we're not even together. Thats what makes things so crazy. This time around it was different, it was no trying to work things out and make things right. The fact that I allowed myself to get into a situation like this, is beyond me. And as much as i liked Jay and cared for him, this time around he was wrong. But i didn't care anything about what he had to say nor try to explain, because it was nothing he could say to justify what he did.

If he thought that this time, I was just going to say ok, sure, lets work it out like we always do, NO, he had another thing coming. I was not returning his calls, his texts, i never answered when he came by either. I was so over his hot and cold ass. And I'm mad at myself because i made so many changes based off what Jay told me about being selfish and all that, but at the same I'm glad i did make those changes because it allowed me to see things about myself. But i know the next time i get a guy, I'm going to make sure I throughly investigate them, because after dealing with Will and Jay, i just can't trust things.

     .....Being that i didn't have to work today, I was going to use this day to just relax and enjoy myself. These past 4-5 months have been so crazy and i haven't had much me time in a while, and i could really  use a day to kick back and gather my thoughts.

I had just popped in Waiting to Exhale, popped me up some popcorn, and poured me up a glass of wine, I was really set on enjoying myself on this day. And slowly getting over and letting go of things with Jay this movie was the perfect thing to watch. It had just got into the scene where Angela Bassett was burning up her husbands clothes, and i was sitting on the couch beginning to think of some things
i can destroy of Jay because thats how mad i was. But my thoughts got interrupted when i heard a knock on my door.

I sat there for a while because i was thinking that maybe it was Jay or somebody who was knocking on the wrong door. But when they kept knocking i figured it was Jay. I hurried to turn the tv down to make it seem like i wasn't there. But when the knocking kept on, i just decided to get up and answered. I check the peep hole to see who it was but they had it covered, so i got mad. They were interrupting my me time.

"Who is it?" i asked with a attitude, but i got no response. Oh the mf's didn't hear me, i thought. "I S A I D...." a little louder then last time "Who the fuck is it?" And they still didn't respond, but when i heard snickering of 2 women i thought it was Angie and Kelly, so i calmed down my attitude and proceeded to open the door. "I see yal bithces want t--" i stopped in the middle of my sentence when i saw my mom, Solo, and Juelz standing at my door.

"Excuse me?" my mom said, giving me a crazy ass look.

"Oops, sorry mommy." i said innocently "I thought you were somebody else."

"Like who?" my mom asked.

"Just nobody..." i replied as they walked in. "Heyyy little man..." i said grabbing Juelz from Solo as she walked passed. "Hey Solo."

"Whats up sis." she said making her way to sit down. "What you going through over here?" she asked, noticing the movie playing.

"Ohh, nothing." i said going to turn it off. "I just felt like watching it thats all."

"Yea, yea, yea. Tell it to the preacher man." she joked.

"Whatever..." i giggled. "So what are yal doing here?" i asked, because i had no idea they were in town or even coming.

"I didn't know i needed an invitation to see my own daughter." she said sarcastically. "But if you must know, we just wanted to surprise you thats all."

"Well i'm happy yal are here, i've missed you. And i'm sorry i missed your birthday ma, me, Ty, and Angie really wanted to make it but as usual things got in the way." i said

''It's okay baby, but i loved the shoes you sent me. I wore them to dinner when your father took me out, and well lets just say he didn't even want me to take them off."

"Ok my nephew is sitting right here." i said trying to shake the mental images my mother just put in my head.

"Right my ewwww, nobody wants to hear that." Solo added.

"The both of you need to cut it, acting like yal don't have sex." she went on to say.

"Well yea, but you make me not want to when you start talking about it." i teased, as Solo followed in with  a laugh.

"Yal get on my nerves.....let me go to the bathroom, that water is starting to catch up with me." she said going to use the bathroom.

After laughing some more at my mom, i finally made my way to sit down. I played around with Juelz and talked to Solo for a minute, while my mom used the bathroom. We we're having a conversation of our own until she came back out and interrupted.

"So how are things going with you and Will or did you work things out with that Jay dude?" she asked.

Oh god, i thought. I was really wasn't in the mood to have to explain things but i know if i told here i didn't want to talk about things then she would have sensed that there was a problem and wanted to discuss it or i can lie and say things are good but then she will say when why don't you call them over so i can meet them, so either way I'm screwed.

"Well...if you must know Will and I are no longer seeing each other and as for Jay and I we're not speaking and i seriously don't care if we ever speak again." i dryly replied.

"Aw why, Jay seemed cool." Solo added in.

"I don't even want to get started on that, thats a whole other story in it's self." i went on to explain to them though about Jay and I, beginning with Will being that Jay was part of the reason I was with Will to begin with.

"Well for one, you were wrong for using that poor boy Will, but i would have gotten rid of him too, he seemed a little on edge from what you told me. And as for Jay, well i don't know what to say about that." My mom said as she scratched her head, becoming lost for words.

"Well if you ask me..." Solo begin "Im glad you got rid of Will too and as for Jay, I'm sure his intentions weren't too hurt and i think he actually genuinely cares about you, but by him establishing something with what ever her name is, while he was thinking you were with Will, made it hard for him to transition his feelings fully for you with out having to hurt hers, and because you too were already so close already then it was like you could better understand his reasoning for doing so."

"I never thought about like that...." i said beginning to think for a minute. "I guess it kind of makes since, but I'm over his hot and cold ways." I said as my old feelings about the situation began to resurface.

"And it's partially your fault too because if you would have just been honest with him instead of trying to make him jealous then all of this could have been avoided, and he should have came to you and told you how he felt as well. So when it's all said and done the both of you are to blame." Mom added.

Sitting there and hearing what each of them had to say, i knew that what they were saying were right, but it's not much that i can do now. Because  at the end of the day, Jay and i could mend out friendship, but he's still going to be with her.

"Well it doesn't matter because I'm over it...it's done with....and lets just change the subject." i said getting annoyed by having to talk about it.

"Alright, we'll leave it alone." my mom replied.

"Come here Ju Ju..." Solo said grabbing him from me "Let mommy go change your diaper."

"Byyyeee....little man." i said smiling and waving as if he were leaving me for good. "So what do you guys want to do, now that your here?" i said switching the focus of things.

"Well I'm a bit hungry, i don't know about Solo." my mom replied.

"Hell yea....im hungry." i heard her yell from the room.

"Excuse me?!" my mom yelled back.

"Sorry m'am that was my stomach talking." she said back. And i fell out laughing on the couch. That girl was so funny.

"Yea yea yea..." my mom replied.

"Well we can go out to eat, we all know i can't cook." i suggested.

"I just don't know where i went wrong with you." My mom teased.

"Leave me alone..." i playfully responded "Well i'm gonna go and get showered and stuff, and we can leave out in a minute."

"Well alright...But I'm about to ramble through the fridge because i need something now!"

I went on to the back to get showered and everything, and after about a 10 minute showers, 15 minutes of changing in and out of outfits, trying to find the right one to wear, and another 10 minutes trying to do something to my hair, we headed on out. I took them to a really nice restaurant called La t'era, it was a very mixed restaurant with different varieties of foods and deserts. Jay and I came here before in the past and i liked it because it was so elegant and the food was really nice.

I was expecting to have a nice, relaxing, enjoyable meal with my family but those feelings quickly left, when I walked in and saw Jay having lunch with some guy. Instantly i thought, lets leave but i didn't want my mom and Solo asking questions about why we had to leave, nor did i want Jay thinking that seeing him was a bother too me, even though it was but he didn't have to know that. So i sucked it up and played it off like i didn't even see Jay. And where we were seated, Jay couldn't see us and i couldn't see him....so i thought.

We were halfway through eating when i felt a someone tap me on my shoulder. And the crazy thing about it, my mom and Solo though it was just some random gut trying to hit on me because they had never seen Jay before. I slowly turned around, and put on the fakest smile i could possibly have.

"Whats up...." Jay said all cool, then spoke to my mom and Solo. "Hello ladies...." he said all charming like he always is, but i saw right through his ass.

I didn't even say anything back, i just sat there giving him a blank look while my mom and Solo we're acting like some heathens "Heyyyyyy....." they replied as one, as if they were in a daze.

"How you been?" Jay kept on, i guess he knew i wouldnt cut up in front of my mom, Solo, and the baby.

"I'veee....been good." i replied in a mutual tone.

"Uhm excuse me.....Beyonce..." my mom began "But aren't you going to introduce us to your friend."

"Yea....Rude-ey(Rudy) Huxtable." Solo added.

I rolled my eye at them, and went on the introduce them. I was just worried at how they were going to respond when they find out they're meeting Jay. "Mom, Solo....." i said dreading every minute and word "This is Jay, Jay this is my mother and this is my sister. Oh and little man, right here is my nephew Juelz." i said noticing Juelz doing something cute, that instantly lifted my mood, causing me to forget about my feelings towards Jay for a minute.

I watched as their eyes widened a bit, both looking surprised. "Ohhh...Okayyyyy....your the infamous Jay" Solo mumbled with a devious look on her face. I already knew what she was thinking.

"Well its nice meeting you Jay." my mom simply said, giving me some look. Between her and Solo, i had enough, i couldn't take them two.

"It was nice meeting you too lovely ladies and you too little man..." Jay said shaking on Juelz hands a little bit being that he was standing right over him, then turned back to look at his friend who was standing by the door. I guess they were in the middle of leaving. "Well i wish i could stay and chat with you longer but unfortunately i have to go.....I saw you as i was heading out and I couldn't have left with out saying anything. You ladies continue to enjoy your dinner.....Beyonce." he said then looked to me with out saying another word.

I still didn't say anything, we just stared at each other awkwardly for a few more seconds then he finally took off. I prepared myself for the nonsense my mom and Solo were about to give me after just meeting Jay.

"Omg Bey, he is HOT! He also seems like a bit of a rough neck." Solo went on to Joke.

"So that Jay huh?" my asked rhetorically.

"Yuuuup....." i replied. Feeling some type of way after being put on the spot like that. I was so caught off guard. "Go ahead, let me hear it."

"Let you hear what, he seems like a nice guy." Of course my mom would say that.

"Well looks are deceiving..." i lowly said.

"Yea Bey he seems cool. And he came over here in spoke so he obviously still cares about you." Solo added.

"Welp that ship has sailed, so it is what it is." i replied all nonchalant.

"Your only saying that because you still like him...thats all." My mom replied back.

"Do not!" i said.

"Do too." she said back.

"No i don't." i said again.

"Yes you do. she said back. We were both sounding like to two little kids arguing.

But i was in complete denial about still feeling Jay. I mean i know i do because my feelings aren't just going to go away, but that doesnt mean we're going to be friends again or getting together, i was over it. I was moving forward.

"Ok and so what. Yea i still have feelings for him BUT thats a done deal, I'm moving on. He made his choice." i replied sharply.

"Look baby, I'm not saying this to get you upset or anything but sometimes you have to let the heart speak for itself. Im not saying yal have to be together, but atleast remain friends if anything."

"I don't know ma....it's like i want too then again i don't. Because i don't want feelings getting caught up again and it least to some more mess. I know Jay is a good guy, and i know his history, he still has some issues he has too deal with and work out within his self from just getting out of a divorce in all, i feel like he's still at a vulnerable place, so his feelings are all over the place." i explained to my mom.

It's not that i don't want to try to make amends, once again, it's just that this time it has too be done right. Jay has issues, just as well as I, so until we both address those issues then we are never going to get no where. And the fact that he and I always make up and pretend like nothing has ever happen is not going to work, not this time.

"Well i understand now, and you're right. Because thats a lot of baggage trying to take into another relationship. And I'm pretty sure his relationship with that girl is not going to last long because of it, i guarantee it." my mom added.

"Time will tell....but right now, I'm just focusing on me this time. I focused too much on Jay these past few months and look where it got me." i said chuckling a bit becoming comfortable of the situation after having talked about it so much with my mom and Solo.

"Well yal ready to go.....cuz I'm full and i can't eat no more." She said rubbing on her stomach "And besides, my baby is getting sleepy, he missed his nap today because of the flight."

"Yea...we can go. That casserole is starting to get to me." I said as my stomach began to make noises. "And judging by the sound of it, we don't have much time." I said jokingly but serious as the rumbling kept on.

My mom and Solo just laughed at me. Ignoring them, i made my way to go pay the bill.  They met me at the door and we left. When we got home all hell broke loose in bathroom. No need for the details, just know it wasn't pretty. But after about 30 mins, i was cool again. Solo put the baby down for his nap, and my mom being her old self, passed out too.

Solo and I sat around talking some more, just doing some sister bonding. We ended the evening, popping back in Waiting to Exhale, being thats this was one of our favorite movies to watch together. We're both huge Whitney fans, especially me. Her voice is phenomenal. Halfway through the movie, Solo dozed off. I guess all them were tired from the flight. And after a while, I, myself got tired and was about to doze off until my phone went off. It was a text...a text from Jay.

R: You look just like your mom and 
your sister. And little dude, was
cool. Your family seems loving.
             received from Jay 7:38pm

Why Jay thought it was ok too text me, i don't know, and i had no intentions to text him back but i was going to let him know that just because i introduced him to my family earlier, didn't mean that we were back on good terms.

S: UHM, Don't get things twisted
i am still mad at you. 
                     sent to Jay 7:42pm


R: I kind of figured that, but i
just want to make things
right.
          received from Jay 7:44pm


S: Don't you think we tried enough 
of that? It's getting pretty old if you
ask me.
                      sent to Jay 7:46pm


R: I feel like shit!
           received from Jay 7:48pm


S: Well you should!
                      sent to Jay 7:48pm


For a while Jay didn't respond and for a second i thought he was going to pop up at my door.

R: Im sorry Beyonce, i am truly.
And i just wish i could make it
up to you. You've been a good
friend to me, and i took 
advantage of your feelings.
Not saying that i didn't care
about you, because i did.
I'm just still trying to get 
back into the swing of 
dating and having a true
female companion, and i 
found that in you, but i 
messed that up.
         received from Jay 8:03pm


After reading Jay's last text, and re-reading a few more times. I felt relieved. It was like finally he was acknowledging things. Which was what i wanted him to do.  He realized how bad he messed up and now he has to fix it, but whiten him self first.

S: Yes, you did hurt me, and 
things are pretty messed up
between us but, at the end of
the day i can't lie and say that 
i don't still care about you.
But you have some unresolved
issues that you are still dealing
with and until you can address 
them and work on i don't think
we can remain friends. So now 
it's on you this time. And when 
you're ready, i'll be here.
                       sent to Jay 8:10pm


R: Your absolutely right. It seems
like i was the one who was always
trying to tell you things about your
self, when in all i needed a reality
check too. And thanks too you, i
got one. I appreciate you Beyonce
for sticking around even though
you didn't have too, that really
 shows me a lot about who you
are. And your a good person, 
and a very forgiving person at 
that. I hope maybe we'll be able
to be like we we're before all the
drama and mess.
           received from Jay 8:14pm


S: Thats what friends are for and
i hope that maybe one day we can 
be like how we were before, well,
because you didnt say it our emot-
ions got involved, which led to the 
mess we're in now. But we can only 
wait and see what the future holds
for us.
                         sent to Jay 8:17pm


R: Lol, you're right. It's just still
hard for me to accept things, I 
wish i would have done things
differently. But people make
mistakes, and i know I'm not 
perfect, but I'm working on
things.
          received  from Jay 8:19pm


S: Lol, i understand. And yea
by you realizing you made a 
mistake is a step in its self. 
I just hope you can keep it
up.
                    sent to Jay 8:20pm

R: I will. I promise. But not 
only for you, but myself. You
will see. 


And after texting Jay, i knew exactly where i stood in his life. And although it was in a friendly place, i was okay with that. It was like Jay and I were finally on the same page for once. And i couldn't have been happier. Im starting to think that Jay's and I relationship with each other is somewhat like a drug, you try it and it leaves you addicted and wanting more. And no matter the side effects you continue on taking and using the drug. And it was like Jay and I couldn't get enough of each other, because no matter what we always found our way right back to one another.



THANKS FOR READING. HOPE YOU LIKED THE UPDATE. BE SURE TO COMMENT, LEAVE A NAME. LOVE YOU GUYS, UNTIL NEXT TIME. "ADIOS AMIGOS"

Chp7

After speaking with Jay, I was more comfortable and confident about the situation. And after a couple days of letting everything register, i felt at ease with things. And although it's only been about 3 or 4 days, i still was able to think and just clear my head. And regardless of how things turn out in the end, i knew Jay and I would somehow find a way to overcome it because we always do.

And as far as the whole Will situation, it's been killing me knowing that i was probably going to break this man's heart. But the last thing i wanted to do was hurt his feeling. I felt it was bound to happen though with the way things have been going between us. For Will he wanted more out of our somewhat relationship more then i wanted. And i guess i got caught up with him spoiling me, which was probably why i kept him around for so long. But in reality, i like Will and he is fine as hell, but besides all the gifts and frequent outings, it's really nothing there between us.

And on top of all things, we haven't been speaking nor seeing each other to the point where i became comfortable with it. But he has been blowing my phone up non stop. Like that morning i got back from Houston and before i spoke to Jay on that morning, he called my phone 5 times back to back. Just the other day, when i was going through my phone, checking my voicemails i came across 3 voicemails from him, talking about how much he misses me, and wants to see me, and how he needs to see me. Which creeped me out a little bit.

And i swear the other day when i was driving out of the garage of my apartment building, i seen him sitting in his car, about halfway down the street, just sitting there as if he was watching me or something. But i brushed it off because i didn't think that he was like that, but then again you never know. But to clear things up with him, i invited him over to talk. I hope he doesn't flip out like he did last time, about the whole Paul situation otherwise, shit is going to get real.

It was kind of late in the day, i was in the middle of cooking, well trying to cook in my case. I had my Patti Labelle's cook book so i hope that was enough too help, well as long as i follow the instructions. The reason for me cooking was because i noticed that Kelly's relationship with Calvin was becoming more serious, and being that i haven't actually met Calvin, i decided to invite the both of them over so that i can get a chance to know him.  Calvin was the guy that Kelly met that day on her morning run. And ever since Kelly found a place of her own, started working, and began dating Calvin i don't really get to see her like that.

I was in the middle of buttering my rolls, when Will finally arrived. Luckily the food turned well, but i was irritated because he was late coming over and it was cutting close to around the time Kelly and Calvin would be arriving. So off rip, i had an attitude.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK, he did for about the fifth time, which really annoyed me because i couldn't answer the door right away because i had to wash my hands from getting butter on them. And he did not have to keep knocking on my door like that.

I opened the door to find Will standing there with a silly as smirk on his face, it took everything in me not to ask him why the hell he was banging on my door like that, but i took the other approach by pretending to be happy to see him, but not trying to come off as if him coming over was like a date or something.





"Hey...." i said trying to seem cheery.

"Whats up stranger...." he said playfully, trying to be funny, but i dint find anything funny. 

I gave off a fake smile to seem amused "Come in." i replied, i was tired of standing at the door, i just wanted to get this over with as quick as possible now.

When Will walked in he kind of slowed up his pace when he took in a whiff of the aroma that filled the air from the food. "Mm. It smells good in here." he said happily rubbing his hands together, as if i cooked for him. 

"I'm having company in a few..." i replied, crushing his hopes of expecting a meal.

"Oh." he answered in disappointed tone. "So what did you call me over here for?" he asked, changing up his mood. He seemed like he suspected something was up but he just wasnt sure.

I let out a deep sigh because in my head i could already see where this was about to go, but i was trying to prepare myself just like Will was "If you want you can have a seat..." i said as i took one "But what i have to say is not going to take long."

Will stared at me for a minute then quietly took a seat. I waited until he was situated before i started speaking. "Look Will..." i said timidly  "I don't know of no easier way to say this so ima just come right out and say it." i said as i watched his face expression change. "You and I, we're just not working out. I mean i like you and i think your a terrific guy, but i just don't feel connected to you the way you do me." I said feeling so much better after having finally gotten that off my chest.

I waited for Will to register it in, because i know for him it was harder to take in. "Was it something i did wrong?" he replied.

"Nooo, you did nothing wrong." i said trying to keep him from pitying himself. ""This is all just coming from me and how i'm feeling." 

"But we can work it out, i mean just tell me what it is and i'll do it." he said practically begging.

I knew this was going to happen, i thought to myself. "Will.." i said sternly "You and I..." i said speaking with hand gestures so that he could get a full understanding "It's just not going to happen. I mean lets face it, we haven't spoken and over 2 weeks and to be honest and didn't bother me. I'm trying to just be real with you instead of string you along any further then what i already did, i know i should have been honest with you in the beginning but i didn't and I'm sorry for that."

After saying that it was like something came over Will, something horrible. Before i knew it this man was standing to his and began yelling at me. "So you mean to tell me, these past couple months didn't mean anything too you!....HUH?!" he asked taking a step towards me causing me to get scared, he didn't any give me a chance to speak "I thought we had something...." he said sounding like he was about to cry for a minute. "I've been telling my family about you....I had plans for you to meet my mom, hell i was starting to fall for you!" 

Being both scared and fed up with all the yelling and craziness that Will was talking, i finally stood up and said something "You know what, you need to LEAVE!" i snapped, standing there where my arms folded and my adrenaline rushing.

"Baby, i'm sorry." he quickly said, walking over to me to hug me.

 I backed away from him and moved off to the side "DONT......." i said almost about to yell. "Don't touch me! Look i was trying to be nice but now i see can't. If you don't leave my house in the next 5 seconds, I'm going to call the police."

I looked at Will and he had this evil ass look on his face, a look like this wasn't over or something like that. I stood there scared to death out of my mind. My heart was pounding and my body had stared shaking. I had never experienced anything like this before, so for me it was overwhelming.

"Alright....You want me to leave, i'll leave!" he said in a tone that will haunt me for the rest of my life. And just like that Will left, slamming my door for the second time. I probably stayed in that same spot, not even moving, but trying to take in all that just happened for nearly 5 minutes. It was like i was in a daze or something. I think if it wasn't for Kelly and Calvin knocking on the door, to break my faze i probably would have still been standing there.
I opened the door happy as ever to see them.

"Omg. I'm so glad your finally hear." i said to Kelly giving her the biggest hug ever. My voice was still a bit shaky.

"Are you okay?" Kelly asked, as she and Calvin made their way in. Kelly had a look of concern on her face.

"Yea...im ok." i said lying, i didn't want to ruin our dinner with drama.

"Bey..." Kelly said placing her hand on my shoulder. "I can clearly see that something is wrong, now you don't have to lie to me now tell me whats wrong." she demanded.

I made my way to sit down being that i needed too, i was trying to wrap my head around what just happened and gather my thoughts so that i could began to tell Kelly what happened. Calvin made his way to sit down, joining Kelly as she made her way to sit by me. He was looking totally confused.

"You know that guy Will....the one i've been dating." i said hoping to refresh Kelly's memory. 

"The cop, the one who gave you those nice earrings and necklace." she asked.

"Yea..." i said laughing a bit at Kelly remembering him because he gave me jewelry, but getting right back serious as i picked back up with my story "Well i invited him over so we can talk about things, well pretty much to end things with him."

"Why?" Kelly asked all confused.

"I'll tell you all that later..." i said not really wanting to go into all the details. "But anyway....he came over and i began telling him how we couldn't see each other no more and all that other then next thing you know he started flipping out and yelling at me. I had to threaten to call the police so that he could leave."

"OMG!" Kelly said when a stunned look on her face.

"He didn't put his hands on you did he?" Calvin asked out of nowhere, i forgot that he was even there.

"No, he didn't." i answered.

"Oh okay...well thats good because if he did, that would not have sat well with me." Calvin said. I couldn't believe how concerned he was about me, being that this was the first time that i met. I was already admiring his personality.

"I still can't believe he flipped out on you like that though." Kelly said jumping back into the conversation.

"Me either and the crazy part about it was that before he left, he gave me like this evil ass grin and the way he you want me to leave, i'll leave was part that really had me scared. It was kind of like he was saying, it's not over." i said becoming frighten by just hearing those words replay in my head.

"Like HELL it is...." Calvin said butting back in. "I know i may not know you all to well Beyonce but being that your a friend of Kelly automatically makes you ok in my book, so if that nigga tries to try something with you, i'll be there to take care of it."

"Thanks Calvin, i appreciate that." i said giving him a smile "But lets just hope nothing like that will ever happen."

"No problem." Calvin responded.

"Your right about that." Kelly said, referring to what i just said.

After talking to Kelly and Calvin, i was back in my party mood again. I was ready to have some fun. After serving everyone and eating, we popped opened the bottle of Champagne Kelly and Calvin brought over. And the rest of the night was smooth sailing. I observed the way Calvin and Kelly acted with each other and saw how cute they were together. Speaking with Calvin and interacting with him, i saw that he was a good person and he had a huge sense of humor. He kept me and Kelly laughing all night, which was good because i forgot less and less about about Will and the situation. 

Being with Kelly and Calvin made me think about Jay a lot that night. Especially thinking about how he was going to react after i told him about Will, being that i did meet Will through Jay in a way. Well i met him at Chris's party, but Jay always says that they're not friends just associates.  But still. I was so glad to have gotten rid of him. No telling how things would have turned out if we would have continued dating. I probably would have ended up on First 48, Snapped, or some shit like that. But overall despite Will's crazy ass nonsense, i enjoyed my night with Kelly. 
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Waking up the next morning all i seemed to think about was fucking Will. I couldn't even sleep last night because i  kept having nightmares of him stalking me and trying to kill me. I didn't even want to go in the work today because i was so tired and i was a little scared. I began wondering maybe that was his crazy ass sitting outside my apartment building that day. And the thought of him possibly being out there right now at this very moment sent chills up my spine. It took everything i had in me to get up and get out of bed. I was dreading having to leave my place. I felt safe. After coming out of the bathroom from just using it and turning on the shower and letting it run so that it could warm up, i spent the time that i had picking me out something to wear. 

I was searching and searching through my closet, i got so caught up in trying to find something to wear that when my phone went off, i jumped into the closet screaming to the top of my lungs. It was clear that i had become paranoid. After realizing that it was just the phone, i went over to check to see who was calling, and was nobody but my mom.

"Hey mom...." i said normally, answering the phone.

"Hey baby....how are you doing this morning?" she asked cheerfully.

"I'm doing alright..." i said letting out a yawn. "A little tired this morning, but overall I'm good. What about you?"

"Well you know...i'm fine." she began. "I'm sitting here with Juelz and we're just playing, and playing." she said talking in a bag voice, i didn't know rather she was talking to me like that or Juelz.

"Where's Solo?" i asked.

"Oh she's off taking care of some business, did she tell you she was moving up there." she replied, seeming happy about it.

"Yea she's mention it too me, but she never really told me when." i said back.

"Yea well, she's talking about coming in April, thats when they'll have everything ready and all set up." said my mom.

"Who?" i asked unsure of what she was exactly talking about.

"You know the realtors or whatever, she bought a house out and Brooklyn  and it's getting all worked up and resigned a little bit." she explained.

"Oh ok." i said getting a better understanding.

When i saw the steam coming out of the bathroom , i thought oh shit. Talking with my mom, i had forgot all about the shower running.

"Hey mom..." i said regaining her attention after a bier pause. "Let me call you back later ok."

"Oh yea honey....sure." she responded. "I was just calling to check on you anyways."

"Alright.." i said with a smile "Thanks ma."

"No problem baby, you have a good day." she said sweetly.

"I'll try...I looooooove you!" i said.

"I love you too." she said then hung up.

After hanging up, something hit me about my mom calling and when i went into deep thought about it, i realized that today was January 3rd, the day before my mom's birthday. Damn, how could i have forgot i thought. Thats why she called, just to see if would remember and totally didn't. I know I'm going to have to make it up to her big time.

...With the shower still running and me not finding anything to where still, i just grabbed a casual suit out of the closet to throw on then hopped in the shower and went on about my business. On my way heading out, i had came up with the idea to have Jay drive me to work. I was scared to take my car, on the thought of Will waiting outside  and an attempt to follow me.

Even though Jay said we needed our space from each other, i knew he wouldnt mind taking me to work. The only thing is, i just hope he was home to do so, otherwise i'll just have to take my chances and drive. I knocked on his door a few times because he didn't answer right away, i waited for another 5 mins then proceeded to leave until i heard him coming to the door.

"Beyonce....." Jay said as if he was shocked to see me.

"Hey..." i said shyly, for some reason i just felt a weird vibe. First off he opened the door with out a shirt and he seemed surprise to see me. I mean i know we were trying to keep our space but i didn't think it would be like this. "I didn't wake  I?" i asked, thinking maybe that that was the problem.

"No you didn't. I had just gotten up a few minutes before you came knocking." he said softly.

"Oh." i simply replied. I could tell by the look on Jay's face he wasn't ready nor prepared for this, but not because he had just woke up but because of something else. "Well i was wondering, well i was more so hoping that maybe you could give me a ride to work."

Jay letting out a deep sigh "Look Bey..." he spoke as he made his way into the hall pulling up the door behind him a little bit "You know i wouldnt mind taking you too work, but ..." he passed for a brief moment "now just isn't a good time."

And as i sat there putting 2 and 2 together, trying to figure out why it wasn't a good time. Thats when it hit me. He had that girl over.  It upset me knowing Jay had Eva over because how is it that we are suppose to be trying to figure out things for us, but yet he's still messing around with her. I mean first he rejects me when i tell him i like him, then i go through all this trouble to change myself and prove to Jay that i can be the girl he wants me to be. And when we did have that, things between us were still cool. Ugh i was so confused.  I needed some time to myself to put my thoughts together. I didn't know how to feel, i felt played and betrayed more so then anything.

I probably wouldnt have been as mad if i didn't see the girl because i could have just dealt with knowing she was over there much better then actually seeing her. But when she decided to bring her ass out, with that ugly ass shirt and her underwear on, i got heated.

"Baby what's taking you so lo---" she said stopping in the middle of her sentence as soon as she saw me.

The way the door was left open, you could see me in the view. And just as much as she could see me i could see her. Jay put his hand down in shame, because he knew he was wrong. I didnt even know what to say i just stood there speechless.

"Can you give us a minute." Jay said to Eva.

"Sure thing baby, i'll be waiting for you in the bedroom." she replied, but i know she said that shit purposely.

"Please don't be mad at me." Jay turn to me and said.

I just began laughing in disbelief because i just really  couldnt believe it. "Mad?.....Thats the last thing i am. Betrayed, played, or even hurt maybe.....but i aint mad." i spoke profoundly.

Jay let out another deep sigh "Im sorry and i just don't know what to do. The last thing i wanted was too have you feeling like this." he began to explain.

"Well it's a little too late for that." i answered.

"Please Beyonce....just hear me out for a min." he pleaded.

"For what Jay! HUH?!..." i said with delicate rage "So you can tell me things that i don't want to hear because if you ask me its all a load a bullshit!" 

"No thats not it..." he replied.

"Well can you pleeeeeease tell me, because i will sure as hell like to know." i snapped.

"When we talked last time, yea i know we made an agreement and things were good. But having Eva around lately has brought me nothing but great joy. And i know i told you i was feeling you too and i'll admit having you in my life is like peanut butter with the jelly, it just work. And well i guess by us starting off as friends i figured then well we can maybe remains friends......because honestly i would hate to lose my relationship with you. I deeply care about you." he expressed.

"And what relationship are you exactly talking about  because the only relationship i seem to recall is strictly friends, oh no wait let me take that back....how about telling someone you care about them then turning around and hurting them and you of all people should know what that feels like." I said reminding of the pain.

"Please Beyonce, lets not end this like this, matter of fact i don't want to end things at all....." he said stepping closer to grab ahold of me, i guess he felt like i was about to walk away, which i was in about another minute. "I care about you too much too just up and let you go, and i know i've hurt you but we're gonna get through this like we always do, i know we are."

I pulled away from Jay because i didn't want him touching me, my mind was all over the place all i want to do was just tell Jay off. "And quit saying you care about me..." i continued on "it's nothing but lies, lies, lies."

"Beyonce....please." continued to beg. "Tell me that you still care, tell me that our friendship is too good too lose, tell me that we're going to get through this." he said almost sounding like he was about to break down.

The more i stood there, the more i became emotional "I can't Jay...i just can't." i said trying to keep from crying. "You've hurt me two times too many and i'll be damn if i let it happen again." i said, then without even giving Jay a chance to speak, i rushed to the elevator. THANK GOD it was already waiting on our floor, otherwise i would have just took the stairs. How awkward and that trying to storm off and get caught by the elevator.

When i got too work, i sat in the car trying to prepare myself for work and get myself together, because i cried the whole 25 mins while i drove too work. My eyes were red and my face was wet, and on top of all things i wanted to cry some more, but i couldn't. I couldn't let what happened ruin me nor my day. I had too be strong and pick my head up. I checked my phone of the time and saw that i had a couple miss calls and text messages from Jay. I didn't bother to read them nor call back.

After another 15 mins, i finally got the strength to go in. Luckily no one came to shop yet and it was just Ty and Angie there at the store, because i didn't want anyone to seem me like this. Not even Ty or Angie, but because they know me so well, it was hard to hide my feelings. Both saw me walk in and when i didn't speak they came trailing after me and following me into my office. But if i did speak, then they would have heard the sadness in my voice and still did the same thing. I tried not too make eye contact with them as they stood their in my office staring at me, as i sat and whimpered at my desk thinking about things again.

"Sis, whats going on? Why are you crying?" Ty asked, coming to comfort me.

"It's just too much, i dont even know where to began." i replied.

"Well take a couple deep breaths and when your ready to talk, just go ahead." Ty said.

So after getting myself together once again, and took a few deep breaths, and after about 3 mins of silence I began telling Ty and Angie, first about Jay since he was the reason i was crying. I told them the whole story from top too bottom, from beginning to end, not leaving one thing out. Then in the midst of the conversation i began telling them about Will, being that he was the reason i ended up knocking on Jay's door in the first place.

"This must be payback for the way i treated Will." i said, just after finishing up with my story.

"Oh Bey...dont say that." Angie said.

"Yea, BB. It's not your fault. You can't think like that." Ty added.

"This is some bullshit..." i said throwing my head down, as i placed it on top of my arms, as i had them folded on the desk.

"I had hopes for you too." Ty stated.

"Man thats fucked up!" Angie commented.

"Well it is what it is." i said raising my hand back up, but resting on my hand.

"Im still stuck on the whole Will situation." Ty went on to say.

"Yea me too. He seemed nothing like that, the day he came in the store that day." Angie added in.

"Man people are never what they seem..." i said in a dull tone.

"Aw Bey...." Angie said in a sympathetic voice.

"I hate seeing you like this sis, you make me wanna go beat up Jay and kill that mother fucker Will!" Ty snapped causing me to chuckle, because he sounded so serious.

"See there it goes...." Angie said laughing and smiling too. "Thats how i like too see my cuz, not all down and mopey."

"Yea, i know." i said slowly rejuvenating "I'm just so over it." i said after having had enough. The thing about me, i maybe down and out for a little while, but i bounce back quick.

"What thats saying, Kelly always says?" i asked rhetorically.

"I don't chase em, i just replace em...." we all said as one then breaking out into laughter.

"Whew man..." i said after a good laugh "Yal we should all do something, like take a trip or something." i said beginning to feel like myself again. And after having a few good laughs with the people i love had me thinking about doing something fun.

"Im down." Ty replied.

"To where?" Angie asked.

"I don't know, but ima think of something, shit, it's 2005 we need to get with the time....." i said with playful enthusiasm. "Well actually..." i began, thinking about my mom "The lovely Mrs. Tina Knowles, birthday is tomorrow, and well she probably think i forgot, which i did, but i figured we could go to Houston this weekend and surprise her, you know and throw her a little surprise party or something."

"Uhmp. Uhmp. Uhmp. " Ty said shaking his head. "You forgot you own mother's birthday."

"Ok so technically i forgot, but she aint gotta know. Thats why we need to go to Houston. Ima text Solo right now and let her know." i said trying to excuse forgetting my mom's birthday.

"Well i'm down, but i'm still telling Auntie Tina. Angie said teasing me.

"Snitch." i said throwing a peace of candy from off my desk at her.

And all in that matter of time, i felt whole again. I was myself. And i was letting go of Jay and Will and was moving on with my life. Because you have to experience a few minor set backs for a major come back. And best believe i was setting out for a M A J O R come back!

THANKS FOR READING, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED. BE SURE TO COMMENT AND LEAVE A NAME, YOUR COMMENTS AND YOUR INPUT REALLY MEANS A LOT. IT'S HOW I WRITE AND PREPARE FOR MY NEXT CHAPTER.  BUT ON THAT NOTE, BE PREPARED ON WHATS TO COME. I HAVE SO MUCH IN STORED. UNTIL NEXT TIME..........P E A C E!!!