Chp14

Waking up the next morning, it felt good to look over and see Jay lying right beside me. Minus the drooling and the loud snoring, Jay was quite attractive while he was a sleep. I moseyed up off the couch and made my way into the bathroom. Before actually using the bathroom, i checked myself in the mirror to see how cute i looked waking up and saw that Jay had left his mark all over my neck. I guess today wouldnt be a bad day to pull my hair up thanks too him. But i didnt care, for once i was actually happy and comfortable with the guy i was dating.

After using the bathroom, i made my way into the kitchen trying not to wake the Jay. I hate that when i drink, i am normally up super early and my throat gets all dry which was why i was going into the kitchen. But only to become disappointed by the emptiness of the fridge. I forgot that we had helped Solo move yesterday. Hell i even forgot where  i was for a minute. I made my way back into the room, after checking on everyone who was passed out in the living room.

When i got back in the living room, Jay was laid out on his stomach with his hand stretched out across the pillow as if he was reaching for me but i wasn't there. I crawled back onto the couch with Jay, but kind of laying myself on top of his back. I was in no mood to go back to sleep so i just made myself comfortable until Jay got up. He rolled around for a few times before finally waking up. I guess the pressure of me lying on him was starting to get to him.

"Good morning." he uttered, still trying to shake his tiredness.

"Good morning." i replied in humor, i could tell Jay was a man who likes his sleep.

"What time is it?" he asked sitting up as he felt for his phone.

"8:47...." i answered.

"Whats wrong with you?" Jay said as i began to space off.

"oh nothing..." i replied not paying attention to myself lose focus. "Im just hungry and my throat is parched."

"Damn.....thats right. She did just move in here." Jay said. "You wanna go run and grab a few things?" Jay asked.

"Yea we can, but should i wake Solo up?" i asked, beginning to get up as Jay did.

"Na." Jay said putting on his shoes. "Let them sleep. Im about to go in here and use the bathroom, then we can go ahead and dip out after this."

"ok." i nodded, then began getting myself ready to go shopping with Jay. This should be exciting.

Moments later Jay came out the bathroom and i went off to brush my teeth and wash my face. I mean i can't just go out looking and smelling like any old thing. And once that was out the way Jay and I headed out. We came across the first grocery store that we could find. We got to the store and Jay came over to open my door. He was such a gentlemen. He even paid for the groceries even after i pulled out my card and gave it to the guy. He just took the card right out the guy's hand and handed it back to me, giving him his. I didn't mind Jay's cockiness, thats probably what i liked the most about him but still its a way to do things. And that was not one. I rode in brief silence on the way home trying to gather my thoughts and words for Jay until Jay cut the music down and acknowledged something was bothering me.

"You okay?" he asked casually.

"Noo." i said not holding back. "I just didnt like the way you handled things back at the store thats all." i simply answered.

"Really?" he said a bit humored by what i had said. "I was just playing around and besides I'm have a good relationship with the owner." he replied.

"Well i guess....But i still didnt like it, playing or not i still thought it was rude." i stated.

Jay letting out a deep sigh. "Im sorry...and i appreciate you telling me. And i'll think about what you said for future references."

Wow, that was easy i thought. "Ok..." i said with a smile. Feeing relieved that Jay didnt blow up at something so petty, but because he didnt i just had to know why. "So youuuuur not mad or anything?"

(Jay's input)
I wasnt mad at Beyonce in anyway. I respected the fact that she was comfortable with telling me about myself because i could see how someone could mistake my behavior earlier as rude. And if she's going to be apart of my life i would want her to put me in check or back in my place. Those are the type of people i have in my life and those are the type of people you need. And as far as being in a relationship, you have too pick and choose your battles and this was not one worth fighting.


"No. Why would i be mad?" he responded with a light laughter.

"It's just that most guys typically get mad when a woman generally they're spouse or significant other tries telling them something about their self." i explained.

"Well i think that you would find I'm not your typically guy..." he replied abruptly.

"I know...it's jus--....well." I said not knowing what to say exactly after that. I just figured i'd leave the conversation alone before i said anything to put us into an argument. Jay looked at me like he was waiting on me to say something but ignored the fact that i became lost for words, and we rode back to Solo's listening to the music. Jay grabbed most of the bags and i grabbed the few that he couldn't carry. And we were greeted at the door by Solo. By this time, very one was just starting to wake up.

"So thats where you guys went?" Solo said happily surprised as she saw us bringing in the groceries. "I was beginning to wonder, i was just getting ready to call too." she also went on to say.

"I woke this morning thirsty as ever and when i saw that the fridge was empty, we decided to just go to the store." i replied.

"Ohh thanks yal, i really appreciate it. Because i didnt even think about all that yesterday when we were moving." she said back.

"Its all good. No need to thank us." Jay joined in. "Just make sure i get dibs on the first plate."

"You got it." Solo said laughing.

After getting the food put up and everything Solo began cooking. I went on to keep Juelz company, while Jay and the others showered and got ready. I was in the middle of playing with Juelz when i was embraced by a warm loving kiss from Jay upon my cheek.

"Is the food almost ready?" he asked as he sat aside of me.

"Nope...just about." i said back. "So is everything all set for me to get in?" i asked referring to the shower.

"Yeaup." Jay replied. "Now you just hand me little man here.." Jay said grabbing him away from me. "And go ahead and get showered and stuff."

"Alright." i said. "Are you sure your gonna be ok with him while I'm in the shower?" i asked considerately.

"I have 3 nephews and a niece. I know how to deal with kids." He shot back.

"Weeelll alright....im just saying." I said then went on and got in the shower.

By the time i got out the shower the food was done and they had already started eating.

"Damnnnn, yal couldn't wait for me though?" i said walking into the kitchen and seeing Solo stuff her face.

"Well your ass shouldn't have been taking a 20 minute shower." Solo teased.

"Shut your face." i said back as i started fixing on my plate. "Where's Jay?" i asked noticing him not in the kitchen.

"He's in the living room with the baby." Solo replied. And after fixing my plate i made my way in there with Jay and Juelz.

It seemed Jay really took a liken to Juelz. I walked in and the 2 of them were just laughing it up. Jay's plate was also untouched, which meant he never stopped tending to Juelz.

"Well, well, well..." i said getting Jays attention. "I see someone found them a new friend." i said cheerfully as i made my way to sit down.

"Tell her thats right Auntie BB..." Jay said speaking to Juelz but also to me. "little dude is a trip." Jay said smiling as if Juelz were his son or something.

"Yea he is...." i agreed.

"Omg Jaaaaay!...." Solo said entering the living room. "You know you could have just put him in is playpen you didnt have to hold him all that time."

"Ohh na it's cool, we were just chilling. And besides...i couldn't have left him in that playpen by him self...he would have been bored."

"Thats what he has toys for silly!" She said reaching out for Juelz. "Now Ju Ju say good bye to Uncle Jay...mommy gotta get her big man all washed up."

"Uncle?" i ask asmusedly.

"Yea, Unlce." Solo replied. "Dont front like yal aint got sh-- i mean stuff going on. We all can see that. And uhm F.Y.I my vents work extremely well." she added then walked off before i could say something back.

"See i told you, you were talking too loud." Jay teased.

"Shut up stuuuupid." i said hitting him.

"You better stop hitting me. That shit aint gonna keep flying." Jay continued.

"Womp. Womp. Womp." i said antagonizing Jay.

"Your lucky my food getting cold." Jay said just after jumping at me causing me to flench.

"I aint lucky nothing." i mumbled so that Jay couldn't hear me. I just had to get the last word. After we ate we all just sat around talking until Jay dosed off. It was a little later in the morning, probably just after noon. With Jay sleep and Juelz in his playpen, Solo and i finally had some alone time.

"I can't believe I'm finally here. This is crazy!" Solo said starting off the conversation.

"Yes i know. And with you being here my and dad would really have to come out here now." i added.

"I know! Between the 2 of them..." she said laughing. "They are soooo...soooo..." she said trying to find the right word to say for them. "Hell i can't think of the word right now, but you know what i mean." after having had become somewhat frustrated.

"Yea...i do." i said laughing at her frustration.

"Shut up." Solo replied giving me a devious look. "Where's Jay? Is he still sleeping?" she said changing the course of the convo.

"Yea, for about an hour now. Why?" i asked a little curious.

"No reason. Just asking." she replied then came that awkward silence. "So are yal like together-together or are yal like togetherrrr?" she ask as if she's been wanting to ask for quite some time now.

"Well as of last night, we are together-together." i proudly said.

"You aint lying, the way yal two were at it last night. And it's about time." she said full of relief. "And the fact that i actually like him is like wow, cuz i don't like any of the guys you date."

"Thats because you don't know any of the guys i date." i sarcastically said.

"My point exactly!" she snapped playfully. "But for real though, he seems like a really cool guy. He offer's to help, paid for dinner the other night, and he also brought groceries....he's most definitely a keeper."

I chuckled at Solo. "Yea, but we will see. It's one thing being friends with someone and it's another thing to be in relationship with them." i argued.

"Yea you're right...but for yal to be friends this long should say something, right. I mean it aint like yal stayed friends for something, Lords knows the shit yal been through."

"Did you ju---" i was about to ask.

"Oops, sorry god. But you get what I'm saying."

"Yea i get you....---" i replied, but before we could continue on Juelz started crying and interrupted our conversation.

"I'll be back..." Solo replied in an exhausting tone. "I have to go be mommy." she jokingly said, but we all know she loves Juelz.

I stayed in the living room to watch some tv and catch up on my soaps, as Solo took Julez off to bathe him and get him ready for the day. Sometime later i was later joined by Jay who looked like a walking Zombie coming through the house. He made his way over to me and cuddle up next to me on the couch. He head was laying in my lap and his arms were around my waist. I started to think he was falling back to sleep because he laid there still for a min.

"How was you nap?" i asked stroking the back of Jays head as it laid in my lap.

"I slept good, until i woke up and saw that you weren't by me." he replied, almost to where i could almost barely hear him because his mouth was sort of pressed against my stomach.

"Aww...." i said smiling still stroking Jay's head. "And you better not be falling back to sleep." i said noticing him becoming awfully silent.

"Na...." he patiently replied. "Im just thinking about things thats all."

"Like what?" i asked interested to know.

It must have been something serious because Jay turned over in my lap and looked up at me with a hard look on his face. I kind of felt like we were in some type of therapy session, but in a more relaxed setting.

"Jay whats up, you look like its something serious." i implied with concern.

(Jay's input)
Being with Beyonce and around her friends and family, made me think of my life with my friends and family outside of B. The life i had before i met her. B, doesnt know this but i have a daughter. I never mentioned it to her because thats not the first thing i generally tell people when i'm just meeting them. I cant just have my daughter around anybody. But being here with Juelz made me think about Mileena and how i want to have my daughter with me and around me. I dont want to have to just keep visiting her when i have time. I want to be able to have both Mileena and Beyonce apart of me life together as a whole. And i know it may seem to soon to say this but i want us to establish a family. The only thing is, i just hope B is okay with it.

Jays does a deep sigh "Thats cuz it is." he said slowly lifting off of me. "Beyonce...." Jay spoke slowly and i just looked back at him with so much confusion in my eyes. "What if i told you i kind of sort of have a daughter." he said trying to mumble over his words so that i couldn't hear him but i heard every word.

It took a minute for me to process it  though but ohhh when i did.... "It's either you do or you don't, it aint no kind of in that!" i said sharply in the most calmest tone possible.

"Don't get mad." Jay had the nerve to say.

"Don't get mad?!" i asked rhetorically. "Shawn you can't be serious right now?"

"See thats how i know your mad, when you start calling me Shawn." he said sort of mocking me.

"No i call you that when shit get serious, and this is some serrrrrrrious shit....." i said and began laughing at the thought of my life being like a Jerry Springer episode. But seeing Jay's frustration made me ease  up a bit. And besides i technically cant get mad. It's not like he waited until later on down the line to tell me, it's better he told me now then waited later. "Jay I'm not mad...im really not, I'm just confused and trying to understand thats all." i added.

I could see Jay's attitude starts to shift back into a more soothing, calm mood. "I don't even know where to  began trying to explain because the shit is so fucked up." he said sitting back down and sat aside of him.

"Well just tell me in the best way that you know how...." i replied.

(Jay’s Input)

After sitting in the room for so long thinking about how Iwas going to tell Beyonce about how I might possibly have a child made me fallasleep.  I never told B this before as friends because the situation is sofucked up, I didn’t want anyone judging me telling me I was a dead beat dad.And I guess being around Juelz and interacting with him made me think of mylife if Mileena was in it.

I mean she’s apart of my life, but not as she should. And part of the reason being, aside from what i mentioned earlier is that I don’t know for sure if she’s actually really mines andthe only things that’s stopping me is finding out the results. See Milena’smother Marie, was a woman I started messing around with when  Stacey and I separated. Throughout that timeshe was there to feel that void. Marie and I ended because I tried to workthings out with Stacey, because at the time Stacey told me she was pregnant and soI wanted to try to work things out for the sake of the baby. But little did Iknow Marie was the one who was really pregnant.

After ending things, she cut off all contact with me, butreached out to me a month or two later telling me she found out she was pregnant. But becauseof Stacey, I couldn’t trust it, so I ignored her and that phone call. Little didI know Marie was born with Leukemia, but she never mentioned it too me nonewhile we were messing around. I guess she figured I would have treated herdifferent. Too make a long story short, she died a few days after Mileena’s 2nd birthday.  And the only how I found outwas because she left a letter to me saying how if anything ever was to happento her, she would hope  that I would bethe one to take care of Mileena.

For a while I felt real shitty about myself. I felt sohorrible as a person because this woman was suffering and I allowed myemotions to hinder any possible future I could of have had or atleast tried tohave with Marie. And thinking about Mileena growing up without her parents,especially if the results turned out to be that I wasn’t the father wouldtotally crush me. I also felt guilty for putting Marie through all thatshe went through and i feel that I owe it too her to take care of  her because if I didn’t then she would haveended up in foster care,  so I didn’twant to know the results. But after Seeing Mileena and looking into herbeautiful brown eyes, I just knew she was mine. And being that I'm with Beyonce now, I would want her to know that becauseI see B and I going for the long run.

“B….” I said nervously and hesitantly, looking up at herbeautiful face as she smiled down on me.

“Yes?” she replied but in an anxious tone.

(Bey’s input)

I tried my best to keep calm and stay relaxed so that Iwouldn’t make Jay feel uneasy about telling me whatever it is he had to tellme. But the tone in his voice made me realize is what something deep. So Itried my best to prepare for the worst. Jay turned to me  and began speaking. He was telling me so many things at once that i got confused and twisted up a bit but i put the story together. Then finally things registered.

"I just wish i would have just believed her." Jay said pitying his self after explaining things to me.

"Yea that is pretty messed up." I said not knowing what the hell to say, i was just still lost for words. "Im sorry...was i not suppose to say that." i replied after Jay gave me a death stare.

Jay ignored it and kept on talking " And it's not like i didnt try to reach out. At first when i got the call i was like ok, she's pregnant, ima be there. But after Stacey pulled that shit, thats when i lost all my trust and confidence in woman." Jay continued on. "I know i may not be her father biologically but I'm the closet thing she has ever had, after her mother dying and all. And i just need to be there for her. I know how it feels losing a parent, i lost my dad when i was just twelve." Jay went on to say sounding a bit emotional when he spoke about his dad.

"So...why havent you told me anything of this before?" i asked extremely curious to know.

"I don't know. I wanted to so bad but then I'm thinking about us and how much stress this can have on our relationship and not knowing if you would still accept me after something like that...i guess in a way i was just scared too." he went on to confess.

"First off i want to say that im sorry about your dad. And as far you noy being able to tell me i understand. But, however we haven't really had that structured of a relationship for things to try and break that down, And secondly its good you told me now instead of waiting, so that we could deal with this head on, and thirdly Jay, i honestly think thats very good of you to want to help and be there for her. It takes a real man to do that." i said getting him all buttered up.

"So you're still willing to stay with me even after something like this?" Jay asked.

"Hell, after all i  went through with your ass for the past 6 months..." i said playfully. "I guarantee you our asses when be walking down the isle...i say in about 10 years from now."

"10, why 10?" Jay asked amused-like. He was coming back around.

"Idk, it just sounded good in my sentence." i replied, with a laugh.

"Right. Right.." Jay replied back with a smile. Then Solo walked in interrupting our conversation.

"Well what are you 2 pea heads in here doing?" Solo walked in all loud and full of energy, with Juelz in her arms. She made her way over to the playpen to place Juelz in there.

Me and Jay both jumped a little because we were so into our conversation, that i had forgot about being at Solo's place and that she was even here. So when i heard her speak it startled me.

"Oh nothing just in here talking about some craziness...." Jay answered.

"That I'm pretty sure i don't want to know anything about, but it look deep by the way you 2 are looking right now." she replied.

"Man i wish i could tell you that it wasn't...." Jay said very plain-like. No emotion what so ever.

"And I'm still gonna pass, i got my own problems all ready i don't need anymore." she went on to say playfully.

"I hear you." Jay said back.

After that we carried on with our day. All going to the park to let Juelz swing on the swing being that thats all he could do, but by the time he's able to walk he'll be a pro at it. But overall i enjoyed my time with my sister and my nephew, and most importantly Jay hit it off well with everyone. And I'm glad everyone was able to get to know Jay so that i wouldnt have to have many introductions of him. We rolled back to Manhattan later on that night. But the conversation to there and when we got there was still about Jay technically having a daughter. All i could do was picture the girl and all that she was feeling and going through. I mean her life must have been pretty rough. I couldnt help but think about it.

"Jay..." i said as we made our way off the elevator. I just felt i couldn't hold it in much longer. Even though we've been talking about it all day. But still. "I...I wanna meet your daughter." i said nervously. I didnt know how Jay was going to feel about it.

"Sure..." he responded quicker then i thought. "I mean i don't see why not."

"So your not bother by the situation at all?" i asked.

"Not really..." he said as he began to open his door and we made our way in. "I was at first because i didnt know how you were going to react, but being that your going to be apart of my life i hope for quite some time, then i think it would be a good idea. I just can't have my daughter around anybody."

I smiled happily and was feeling so relieved. I just hope his daughter is so much accepting about the situation as i am. I mean I'm not all gun-ho for being a step mom and all but i think it could be a good experience.

"So how does she look? Is she black, mixed, is sh---" i said beginning to ramble on out of curiosity and excitement.

"Woahhhh now..." Jay said laughing. "Take it easy. You'll be able too meet here soon and you can see all that for yourself."

"Argh!...ok." i said in a bit of disappointment.

"I swear...." Jay said giving me a sweet short peck on the lips to butter me up. "we're only a day into our relationship and already I'm feeling like I'm not deserving of you."

I kissed him back to let him know i appreciate what he said. "And your not.." i teased but he didnt take my teasing too well. "...Im kidding. You know we wouldnt even be at this point with each other if that was the case."

"Yea you're right..." Jay said hugging on to me loosely. "So are you gonna kick it here or are you heading back to your place."

"Jay you do know i only stay right up the hall. We're the only people on this whole floor for christ sakes." i answered.

Jay laughing. "I know, i know but its just i wanted to know where it was i was gonna be laying next to you tonight." Jay said very charming and smooth-like.

"Well we're already here, comfortable in your place so i don't see why we would have to go to my place. And like i said I'm only right down the hall vs right up the street and around the corner. So it aint no thing."

"It aint no thing huh?" Jay seductively said pulling me in close. Then  we shared in a kiss, that led to a long kiss, that led to a passionate kiss, but was interrupted by Solo when she called to confirm that we made it. After the mood was killed, i went along and showered then slipped into one of Jay's tshirt and big ass pair of boxers. And set in bed waiting for him to finish showering so that we could go to bed. But his ass took too long so i dosed off. After taking in some extreme news and a long drive back too Manhattan, i was tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired and sleep was much needed.